Bad Boys: Dark, Dangerous, Disturbing… and Delicious

Have you ever rewatched a series or picked up a YA novel you read when you were younger and asked yourself, why did I like that character so much? He was such a jerk! On subsequent viewings of the Vampire Diaries, Damon proves to be such a character. Despite #metoo and strides in feminism, our culture can’t stop craving the Bad Boy. But why? And what are we teaching young female audiences about men, masculinity, and romance?

The “Bad Boy” is a common trope in movies, TV shows, and books geared towards younger audiences and in particular, towards teenage girls. The Bad Boy is tall, dark, and handsome. He’s a rake. A rogue. He sometimes even resembles a “Byronic” hero: mysterious, selfish, and tortured. ¹ But above all, he’s a jerk. Yet somehow, he’s still an icon of masculinity. Scholars Ahir Gopaldas and Susanna Molander have explored the commercial appeal of the Bad Boy, and found that the Bad Boy is “a combination of juvenile masculinities (aggression, rebellion, hypersexuality), appealing qualities (charisma, ruggedness, sensitivity), and moral ambiguities (confusion, contradiction, cumulation).” ²

This formula hooks viewers and makes the Bad Boy intriguing. The moral ambiguities likely keep us guessing, and the appealing qualities make us want to forget the bad. Isn’t there danger though in selling young female audiences an attractive male lead who embodies the negative traits of masculinity? Portraying an ideal masculine man as aggressive, rebellious, and hypersexual is a perilous message. We don’t need perfect male characters, but we need to highlight the positives of masculinity instead of accentuating its darker sides.

Another dynamic to the Bad Boy is that he’s often juxtaposed to the “Good Guy.” Despite the Good Guy deserving the girl and treating her like a queen, the female protagonist always goes for the Bad Boy. Why? Is there truth to the insulting statement that “nice guys finish last?”

The Notebook

Let’s look at multiple versions of the Bad Boy to examine this question. Some Bad Boys have a little more darkness than others, but they always get the girl. For example, Noah in The Notebook is a devoted, loving husband to Allie, but their love story begins with him threatening to fall off a Ferris Wheel if Allie doesn’t accept a date with him. Does that sound like a pleasant way to ask someone out? He’s wild and intense, and the audience loves him for that, but his behavior is not exactly appropriate at times. For example, he and Allie aren’t afraid to raise their voices at each other.

On the other hand, there’s Lon, Noah’s competition for Allie’s hand. Lon is a refined gentleman, who we see treats her very well. He’s polite, respectable, and never seems to get angry. Noah and Allie’s relationship is depicted as more unstable, more fights. In Hollywood’s scripts, that’s the typical recipe for passion and romance: a little bit of jerk, a lot of attraction, and some bickering and arguing that is proof of passion. So, Noah isn’t the typical Bad Boy we’d think of, but he fits the bill by being just disagreeable enough to Allie to add a little intrigue. The question is, what are we teaching our young female audiences? Why do we tell them to go for the Bad Boy, the one who does dangerous things to get their attention? Or why is arguing and yelling synonymous with passion?

Hardin from After

A more extreme example of the Bad Boy is Hardin, from Netflix’s After. Hardin has some Byronic qualities, being depicted as mysterious and tortured with family issues. He is known to not have steady girlfriends, and he pursues the female protagonist, Tessa, because of a dare. He falls in love with her, but never tells Tessa that their relationship started as a game for him. (Another girl tells Tessa the truth). He also displays a fit of jealousy and rage in the film. Letting anger rule you seems to be a common trope of the Bad Boy masculinity. That anger often gets forgiven or is depicted as making the Bad Boy more of a man, which is an extremely problematic message to send to audiences. As viewers, we should push back against romanticized portrayals of aggression. We also should question Hardin’s integrity, whether he would have ever told Tessa the truth, but instead we can’t help but secretly root for them. How can we fight the allure of the Bad Boy when the movies somehow make all of their negative qualities seem so sexy? When anger, for example, is depicted as a natural part of an attractive, masculine man, what are we teaching our girls?

Often, Bad Boys are part of juicy love triangle, in which the female protagonist declares them the winner. Let’s look at a couple of examples and what they further reveal about the prominence of the Bad Boy trope in our modern culture.

Damon vs. Stefan Salvatore

Who doesn’t love a sexy vampire? For Elena, the female protagonist of the Vampire Diaries, she can have Damon or Stefan (or a little bit of both). The Salvatores are smoking hot vampire brothers. Damon is the Bad Boy, the villainous older brother. He’s selfish, sarcastic, and violent. He pushes people away and struggles to live up to Elena’s expectations. Stefan, on the other hand, is the Good Guy. He’s the vampire that doesn’t drink human blood (although he has a dark Ripper side). While both brothers would die for Elena, Damon is wild and unpredictable, whereas Stefan is steady, level-headed, and always respects Elena’s choices. So, reading this, you probably think Stefan sounds like the better guy for her, right? But in the end, Elena chooses Damon. The devil-may-care attitude, playboy tendencies, and brutish behavior of Damon gets elevated above Stefan’s kindness, rational behavior, and respectful actions. Why is it so hard not to get caught in Damon’s web? Why is the media repeatedly telling us that the Bad Guy is the better option?

The Duke vs. The Prince

In Bridgerton, the extremely popular Netflix period piece, Daphne Bridgerton is a debutante in need of a husband. She and the rakish Duke pretend to court one another to meet their own objectives, but they end up falling in love. At one point, the Duke breaks things off with Daphne, and a Prussian prince begins to court her. The Duke is the Bad Boy, and the Prince is the Good Guy. The Duke is jaded, has family trauma, and has sworn he will never marry and sire an heir. He’s a bit of a jerk when he first meets Daphne, but treats her well after they become friends. However, when things get serious, he coldly shuts her out. Conversely, the Prince is a stereotypical prince: he’s charming, kind, and treats Daphne with respect. He offers her physical and emotional stability. But Daphne is too enamored with the Duke and his bulging biceps. Their bond was built on friendship, but we watch as Daphne gets swept up in her physical attraction and ultimately gets deceived by the Duke. Similar to The Notebook, Daphne and the Duke’s bickering and fights add the necessary spice to the romance. The Good Guy gets associated with kindness and gentleness, and the Bad Boy with passion and danger. The movies seem to posit that the Good Guy is kind, but he’s boring, so embrace the darkness of the Bad Boy and get lost in it. What kind of message is that to young women?

Of course, the media is creating more complex characters today, and nothing is so one-dimensional. (Even Stefan has a dark side). However, the pattern of Bad Boys being chosen over Good Guys is alarming. The question then is, why is this happening? And second, what can we do about it?

Good Girls and the Appeal of the Bad Boy

Using a feminist and a sociological lens, let’s look at a couple of different theories. First, despite gains in feminism, there are societal expectations for young women to be “Good Girls.” Multiple scholars and writers have remarked on the harm of this “good girl” narrative. Folklore scholar Jameson Creech defines the “Good Girl” ideal as “the concept that women have to be good, submissive, loving, and motherly in order to accepted by society,” and it originated from “the Judeo-Christian perception of women as bad through Eve’s eating of the apple.” ³

The Good Girl is also expected to be more chaste than her male peers, and to be feminine in the traditional ways listed above despite our changing world of gender. She is agreeable, kind, and plays within the rules of the patriarchy. One negative result of this “Good Girl” narrative according to feminist writer Jessica Valenti is that a young woman’s value gets based completely upon her sexuality (if you aren’t chaste, you don’t have worth). ⁴ Creech adds another result for Western women in particular is lower self-esteem if they fail to meet these standards. ⁵

Certain social orientations can enhance the pressure to conform to the Good Girl script, such as religious or familial backgrounds. Within the Good Girl role, there is a lot of pressure to follow the rules, and sometimes, young women may yearn for a little more freedom, a little more excitement than what that narrow role offers. This is where romance comes in. As an arena that is traditionally and unapologetically feminine, young women are not just allowed, but encouraged to pursue romance and relationships. So within the culturally sanctioned sphere of romance, young women may seek a little reprieve from high moral expectations and have fun with a Bad Boy. She’s still following the path, but getting some excitement and danger in her life. That script of the Good Girl and Bad Boy is reflected on our screens. Often, there’s the deeply unrealistic side story of how the Good Girl manages to change the Bad Boy and tame his inner beast. That’s definitely not a helpful message to send young women.

A Sociological Theory of Modernity

A second sociological theory to consider is Weber’s theory of modernity. Max Weber was an early twentieth-century scholar who believed that society would try to find alternative sources of meaning after religion lost its universal hold. One of these alternative sources of meaning is what Weber calls the erotic, or romantic, sphere. ⁶ Applying Weber’s theory today, we see how our society is placing an increasing emphasis on the centrality of romance in our relationships and lives. Scholar Stephanie Coontz has researched the evolution of marriage and romance. Coontz explained that for centuries, marriage was about economics and politics. People married to create alliances and ties. However, today, in Western culture especially, people marry because they “fall in love.” ⁷

Romance is commercialized and valued in our lives. Weber would say that because we are no longer united by religion, we are trying to find ultimate meaning in the erotic sphere. Romance adds purpose in our impersonal, bureaucratized, 21^st-century lives. But does it? Fairytale expectations fail, and people divorce. Many would argue that romance falls short of providing ultimate meaning in our lives. But maybe we as a society don’t see that or refuse to accept it, so we stubbornly continue to extol the virtues of the erotic sphere. Perhaps that’s why we emphasize the Bad Boy, because we want to send the message that romance is purposeful and fulfilling. We want to focus on the passion of the Bad Boy, so that we feel more alive.

We Can’t Help Ourselves

Gopaldas and Molander analyzed the appeal of the Bad Boy in pop culture and found that, yes, passion is part of the equation. They found that the Bad Boy trope is so widespread, because it’s “an inexhaustible source of dramatic tension” and a “beguiling object of irrational love.” ⁸ Irrational love is certainly a more passionate, exciting type of love. In a modern world that has lost its main source of meaning, it makes sense that we want to feel a sense of excitement from somewhere. Gopaldas and Molander concluded, “the bad boy archetype is a contemporary marketplace icon because it has historically been good at channeling all kinds of bad.” ⁹ And we like bad, because it’s invigorating and thrilling. It’s full of complexity and meaning.

The reality is that the Bad Boy exists, and we need to change the narrative. We need to create works that depict healthy patterns of love, and prove that passion doesn’t have to come from something dark and tortured. It can come from a place of friendship and respect. We need characters that are flawed, yes, but maybe we can scrap a couple of violent, angry scenes and replace them with images of caring men, men that hesitate before they raise their voices and that treat their woman like a queen.

Maybe the line between love and lust, arguing and adoring, and fighting and flirting will always be blurry, but we can advocate to make it a little less blurry for the young women in our lives. But at the end of the day, if we’re being honest, we want a little adventure. As Damon Salvatore told Elena Gilbert, “You want a love that consumes you. You want passion and adventure, and even a little danger.” ¹⁰ The Bad Boy haunts our screens because we want him to, and companies know this. The Bad Boy seduction will live on…so we better teach our girls to understand the difference between fact and fantasy.

What do you think? Leave a comment.