Relationship Entertainment: Navigating the Struggle between Romance and Friendship on TV

When it comes to television shows, one of the inevitable questions that emerge as a series progresses is “Will they or won’t they?” You probably don’t have to think too hard to understand what’s being asked here. It’s not “will they or won’t they . . . be friends” because that would seem more than a little anti-climactic for most viewers. Instead, the implied question is “will they or won”t they end up together,” as in romantically, as in cementing the relationship by becoming a couple. Many shows are built around this question, whether romance is directly written into the show’s genre description or not.

Friendship As We Know It

Perhaps it’s easier to envision female friendships on TV. One probably imagines an entourage in the vein of Taylor Swift’s “squad.” There’s a bevy of “besties” who’ve got each other’s back no matter what. You’ve got The Golden Girls and Sex and the City. Although, when female friendships go wrong, one gets a quick flashback to middle school with a dash of Mean Girls sprinkled in for dramatic effect. There are the classic catfights straight out of reality TV where jealousy and backstabbing reign supreme. There even exists what’s known as the “Bechdel test,” which gauges how much the fictional portrayal of a female friendship is just devoted to talking about guys. With women, there’s the antiquated notion that friendship is a facade for rivalry.

There are certainly male versions of this whether it’s Entourage or Silicon Valley. There’s even Seinfeld, whose main cast is made up almost entirely by men with the exception of Elaine Benes. With a group of male friends, they’re usually a bunch of ambitious guys whose self-destructive tendencies or narcissism make them unsuitable for sustaining many romantic relationships. Instead, they rely on one another to stay afloat.

The male friendship dynamic is often so fragile that what would be termed a usual friendship between women, not even “girl crush” level, is referred to as a “bromance” when men are concerned. With male intimacy, there’s somehow always the question of diminishing one’s masculinity or questioning one’s sexuality by expressing platonic love for one’s friends. The U.K. Skins takes an unconventional approach by portraying male friendships as equalling female friendships in their complexity and need for intimacy. One notable example is “The Three Musketeers” otherwise known as JJ, Freddie, and Cook of the third and fourth season of the series. It’s the story of a male friendship nearly destroyed by their collective interest in the same girl. Nevertheless, there are plenty of hugs, “I love yous,” and even kisses portrayed as natural aspects of their friendship all while never once doubting their masculinity or sexuality.

In a friendship twofer, comedy is often key. The comedy duo often diverts attention away from moments of platonic intimacy through humor. There’s the match between the neurotic Schmidt and grumpy Nick in New Girl or the tough Sam and naive Cat in the short-lived Sam & Cat. One needs an Ethel to her Lucy or a Felix to his Oscar. It’s a riff on the Laurel and Hardy dynamic of being united by hairbrained schemes and getting into trouble. With an odd couple or partners in crime scenario, total opposites are paired together because clashes of personality are bound to be entertaining.

There’s also the professional partnership as in Sherlock, Grey’s Anatomy, Psych, Scrubs, Rizzoli & Isles, or 2 Broke Girls. Compatibility between people forced to interact with each other on a nearly day-to-day basis tests the waters of who’s friendship material. It makes friendships easier to sustain, for conveniency’s sake, but it also tests people’s nerves quicker. Despite Jessica Day and Cece being touted as best friends on New Girl, the friendship between Nick and Schmidt is often the highlight of the show because they live together and thus are in close proximity almost all the time. Occasionally getting on each other’s nerves in these situations can be a testament to their chemistry as friends.

Male-female friendship, which doesn’t venture outside of platonic affection, can be even harder to find. Shows such as 30 Rock and Elementary venture into this often unexplored territory of friendship. To keep things uncomplicated, there’s the “gay best friend” trope. It keeps the male-female dynamic alive while at the same time removes any hint of romantic speculation from fans right from the start. On shows such as Monk or Agent Carter, the central male-female friendships take a different route. Since Adrian Monk and Edwin Jarvis are not typical alpha males or leading men, it can lessen the likelihood of a romance developing. The partnerships are often built on humorous eccentricities and compassion instead, rather than physical desire.

More common is a pairing whose friendship exists with romantic undertones hidden underneath or the “friends turned couple” scenario. These are the TV pairings who are secretly, or maybe not so secretly, attracted to each other and eventually wind up together à la When Harry Met Sally style. They’ve likely known each other since childhood. Thoughts of romance are either furthest from their minds or have long been pent-up and unspoken. There is Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable from Kim Possible, Amy and Rory of Doctor Who, Lizzie and Gordo of Lizzie McGuire, Ned and Chuck of Pushing Daisies, and so on. Everyone knows they’re destined to be together, except maybe them.

If the friends-turned-couple scenario doesn’t work out, there’s always the dreaded alternative. In the case of Korean dramas, it’s called “Second Lead Syndrome.” Fans root for the sweet guy they know will never get the girl. He’s usually the one left to wander the frozen wasteland commonly known as “The Friend Zone,” where few are ever known to make it out alive.

The web series Carmilla marks a nearly historic moment for reevaluating “The Friend Zone.” It refurbishes it actually, transforming it from the state penitentiary it’s believed to be into a habitable place. One of the series’ characters, Kirsch, evolves from a dense frat boy into a good and loyal friend. He develops a hopeless crush on one of the other characters, Danny Lawrence, who just isn’t interested in him romantically. He’s routinely referred to as a “puppy dog” because of how cluelessly smitten he is. When Danny finally makes it clear to Kirsch her feelings, or lack thereof, on the subject Kirsch reacts in an unexpected way.

Kirsch in the Carmilla episode “Zones of Friendship”:

“Yes! I’m in the friendzone! I have made it into the friendzone! . . . I mean yeah, I’d totally want more, because you know, you’re super smart and way tough and smokin’ hot. But you know, I get it. You’re just not into me that way. And, you know, even if you don’t like me the way I like you, I still think you’re awesome. You’re like the Joan of Arc . . . of us. Why wouldn’t it be awesome to be your friend?” ¹

Kirsch doesn’t run into the nearest bathroom to cry his eyes out or lash out at her for rejecting him. Although maybe that’s a deleted scene the Carmilla fanbase isn’t aware of. Kirsch doesn’t lament being designated as “just a friend.” He’s ecstatic when he realizes he’s made it to the so-called “Friend Zone.” He admires Danny so much that whether she ever feels romantically interested in him or not, it does nothing to damper his affection for her (in a completely “respectful of your boundaries” way). If that isn’t the sweetest declaration of love, what is?

Nevertheless, the existence of “The Friend Zone” presents an important facet of television. Those who wind up in “The Friend Zone” become accustomed to waiting things out. A friend who yearns for a romantic relationship learns to be patient, hoping the person they desire will eventually see him or her in a new (preferably candlelit) light.

The Law of Delayed Gratification

Love has been touted as having a similar effect to drugs on the brain. It literally leaves one high and coming back for more. As with any fictional portrayal, these feelings need to be somewhat replicated with the audience. Much like cliff-hanger endings, a TV show has to tease romance repeatedly and drop it intermittently to keep viewers interested.

Sexual tension is a device used to play on that chemistry between characters. TV shows are known to tease fans with almost kisses and near confessions. Occasional friction between personalities mixed with sincere affection sustains audiences’ interest in the couple to be. If the couple gets together too quickly, the announcement will likely be met with little fanfare or excitement. There’s the infamous Moonlighting case where the audience’s interest apparently waned after the two central characters got together. On the other hand, if the sexual tension lasts too long, there’s always the risk of creating an aggravated and frustrated audience.

No matter what the approach, romance is the intended end result. Viewers may wait multiple seasons with bated breath for flirtations to escalate for their favorite couple-to- be. The transition from mere glances to accidental touches and then to kisses and so on grips the audience into attention. Perhaps no genre understands this better than period dramas, with their various codes of conduct and decorum. Whether it’s Mary Crawley’s hot and cold relationships in Downton Abbey, the forbidden courtship between the already married Christopher Tietjens and the young Valentine Wannop in Parade’s End, or Pierre and Natasha’s for-far-too-long unrealized love for each other in War & Peace there’s plenty of pent-up feelings all around.

Well . . . now what?

What about relationships that don’t follow the same trajectory? Surely not all do. Surely relationships outside of the romance department get their due. Subjects once considered either too taboo to broach or thought to concern only minorities and therefore deemed of little importance receive greater representation in media than ever before. Despite being married, Ricky and Lucy Ricardo of I Love Lucy were never shown sleeping in the same bed because of censorship. Comparing that era of TV with today’s, just about anything goes now. Topics such as mixed families, broken ones, loves that defy stereotypes about age or race or religion, varying sexual preferences, identifying as a gender other than one’s sex, etc. are becoming much more open to discussion. Audiences seem more open-minded than ever and that’s certainly something to be encouraged.

However, even though modern-day relationships appear increasingly broader and more fluid in definition, there are certain staples in entertainment. It’s difficult to think of any TV shows that place friendship at the forefront or even on par with romantic relationships. This makes it particularly difficult for viewers to conceptualize and therefore navigate powerful relationships of the platonic variety. Who said characters have to “get together” anyway?

Fictional characters often have great potential for growth in television. Maybe TV is actually the best format for friendship. Romantic movies end with riding off into the sunset, but that might be harder to accomplish with the episodic format. Characters and their relationships to other characters are often explored in a sprawling, layered, and incremental process on TV. That doesn’t exactly allow for the “happily ever after” of romantic fairy tales. Characters are expected to grow, regress, and outright change in television.

Even when one comes up with some platonic pairings, they’re just not hot topics. There were no doubt plenty of fangirls and fanboys who squealed with glee when Nick and Jess kissed for the first time in New Girl, when Penny and Leonard started dating in The Big Bang Theory, or when figuring out who “the mother” was in How I Met Your Mother. Only brief moments, not momentous occasions, are ever devoted to friendships by comparison. In the Korean drama Coffee Prince for example the main characters Choi Han-Kyul and Go Eun-chan, who Han-kyul mistakes for a man, originally make a pledge of brotherhood. In Lark Rise to Candleford, there is an episode where one of the characters Pearl is missing her business partner and sister, but soon makes a new friend in Enid and they make a pledge of friendship. Moments of nonsexual devotion are rare though.

Opening monologue in Lark Rise to Candleford Season 3 episode 8: “[O]f all the bonds that exist between people, perhaps the sweetest is the bond of friendship, for it is born not out of duty or blood ties but out of sheer delight in another. How hard it must be to be friendless in our hour of need. How bitter to be alone at the moment of reckoning. And yet for some it [is] friendship itself, the sharing of our deepest truths and the trust in another’s good will towards us that [is] the hardest path of all.” ²

What fans of a show tend to remember instead are the hookups, the breakups, and the marriages. Fans eagerly anticipate their favorite characters getting paired up with their “true loves.” Few viewers will gush over the communal water cooler about how in last night’s episode John Doe finally realized how platonically in love, how much he wants to befriend, Jane. Tweens won’t squeal into their iPhone screens over that love confession. There are no celebratory fireworks or ceremonies. It just doesn’t happen and it’s not expected to.

With all this waiting in suspense for relationships to progress between characters, there has to be some momentum or action to propel the story forward. This is especially the case for television, where a show’s creators rely on sustained audience interest to keep the show going. Whether it’s the Litchfield prison of Orange is the New Black, the fictional lands of Westeros and Essos in Game of Thrones, or the Scottish highlands of long ago in Outlander there is certainly an emphasis on sex. There are the highly anticipated sex scenes or as they’re commonly referred to, “love scenes.” Scenes of bare-chested, muscle-bound men and topless, sexy women lost in the throngs of lustful ecstasy are in demand. It’s considered exciting and it’s believed to be the height of romantic and passionate possibilities. It’s no wonder the religious rule of “no sex before marriage” heightens the mystique of the wedding night, as in Claire and Jamie’s consummation in Outlander, where a union supposedly sanctified by God is the same night where the relationship is sexually fulfilled. What more could a person want?

With friends, it’s assumed the relationship will become repetitive onscreen because it supposedly never goes anywhere. There’s no progression of labels from strangers to acquaintances to friends to boyfriends/girlfriends and then finally to husband/wife. TV shows aside, love itself has become incredibly sexualized. It’s something that’s invaded much of our vocabulary. Since sex equals “making love” and having sex means “getting some action,” the subconscious conclusion is that friendship must be passionless, stagnant, and inactive. Doesn’t sound like an attractive offer when compared with romantic relationships, does it? What if love isn’t necessarily designed to go anywhere? Who said it was supposed to?

To have “chemistry” with someone simply means one gets along with another or one is on a similar wavelength with another. It’s associated with relationships outside the romance department. However, the basic nature of the word correlates to biological or hormonal responses. To feel “sparks flying,” “fireworks going off,” or “a jolt of electricity” with someone are all verbal expressions of this chemistry and they’re all associated with romance. What if this happens with someone previously designated as a friend? Jess Day and Nick broach this topic in the New Girl episode “The Fluffer.” Nick starts to feel his relationship with Jess has become one that’s “friends without benefits.” He takes care of her like a boyfriend would and yet he isn’t her boyfriend. There’s an overall sense of confusion between them.

Jess Day in New Girl’s “The Fluffer” episode:

“I’ve always had relationships in different boxes. Friends in one box, boyfriends in another. But now it’s messy, and I don’t want to screw up what I have with you. You’re too important to me.” ³

Jess has to deal with the fallout of trying to confine certain feelings or behaviors to a specific type of relationship. Her relationship with Nick is an essential one to her, despite the fact that they’re not dating (at least not at this point in the series). It also calls into question the phrase “friends with benefits.” It suggests that friendship itself has little to no rewards on its own. If any relationship isn’t supposed to be a business contract, why then is there a concern over whether there will be benefits or not. It’s not like one’s investing in a house or a car or some other inanimate object. Consummating a relationship literally means cementing its status through sex, but consummation is also another word for the completion of something. Since no one “consummates” a friendship, does that mean it’s incomplete somehow? Lacking in some way? If those are all the subconscious conclusions, it doesn’t bode well for TV friendships.

Friends Finish Last

Caring a great deal about friendships is often slotted to the smiling, platitude-spouting face of kids’ entertainment. As children, shows seem to bombard viewers with friendship themes. Whether it’s Barney & Friends, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, or Thomas and Friends the amount of subtlety is astounding. Even if shows don’t directly refer to friendship in the title, it will likely feature as one of the major themes.

These shows become a reflection of the kids one sits next to at the cafeteria, the ones whose names are etched onto friendship bracelets, and the ones invited to sleepovers and birthday parties. Yet as one grows up, the more likely these themes are to disappear from the media one consumes. They’re replaced by school crushes and quests to lose one’s virginity and later on by dating, marriage, and kids. It seems only a natural progression.

However, it’s also one where friendship is usually left behind in the dust. Friendship becomes the understudy to Romance’s lead performer, there to save the day just in case Romance decides to call in sick and can’t perform. People search for the “love of their lives,” not the friend of their lives. Yet friendship isn’t something to be outgrown. It takes just as much maturity and responsibility to be a good friend as it does to be a good romantic partner, maybe even more so since sex is not the driving force of maintaining the relationship. It may seem quaint and a little antiquated, but friendships are the non-familial foundations on which later relationships are based. A relationship that isn’t based on hormonal desires or bound by familial duties and responsibilities requires the depths of one’s loving capacities to keep it going. When friendship is not taken into adulthood and thus not taken seriously, there’s a great deal that’s lost.

Just Friends?

If the motivation for two characters to stick it out together doesn’t revolve around sex, many viewers are at a loss as to why they would stay together at all. Think of how many songs, just listening to the radio alone, are devoted to romantic love. The lust, the longing, the heartbreak, and frankly the irrational compulsion of falling in love with someone all satisfy the emotional heights of feeling alive.

The rule of delayed consummation can be tweaked ever so slightly to retain audience interest. John Steed and Mrs. Emma Peel of the cult-classic series The Avengers had plenty of flirtatious exchanges while never explicitly announcing the nature of their relationship. The same can be said of Jack Robinson and Phryne Fisher of Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries for the majority of the series or co-workers Freddie Lyon and Bel Rowley of BBC’s The Hour. There’s plenty of eye-sex and innuendo-laden witty exchanges all while hardly laying a finger on each other. The relationships are presented as if they were purely platonic, but there is always an undercurrent of romance beneath.

Peggy Carter and Edwin Jarvis of Agent Carter have great platonic chemistry for instance. They have a good working relationship, complete with the witty banter only the Brits can handle and the occasional bickering of an old married couple. Aside from Peggy and Jarvis, there’s also a great female friendship on the show which demonstrates a progression from Peggy Carter’s Hollywood-tragic romance with Captain America.

Captain America’s supposed death has left a void in Peggy that can’t be easily filled by any other man. With the optimistic and friendly waitress Angie Martinelli, Peggy has a good respite from her life as a secret agent. Peggy is initially reluctant to seriously befriend anyone, given the life or death nature of her occupation, but a persistent Angie eventually succeeds. Angie ends up being exactly who she says she is. The two women never launch into a catfight as rivals over a man and Angie doesn’t end up being a spy in disguise. Despite Peggy’s very British “keep calm and carry on” spirit, she’s still susceptible to doubt and despair and Angie happens to be a kind listener who boosts her spirits. Angie is Peggy’s much-needed confidante. She belongs to a world outside of the espionage and diabolical plans Peggy’s all too familiar with.

The short-lived U.S. Skins built upon the complexities of attraction with the pairing of Tony and Tea, who are the male-female versions of two guys named Tony and Maxxie in the U.K. original. The habitual player Tony finds himself increasingly attracted to Tea, who is a lesbian. Tea is also attracted to Tony, but can’t understand why. He’s attracted to her as he would be to any other girl he fancies, but with Tea he becomes infatuated with a girl he can’t have. His crush is painfully unrequited in terms of physical desire, which is embarrassing for him because that’s such a rarity for someone of his reputation. Tea is basically the female version of Tony. She connects with Tony on an intellectual level because they have similar personalities. She can’t fathom this intense attraction that exists outside of physicality.

Mini and Franky’s friendship in the U.K. Skins is an important relationship rule breaker as well. Because of Franky’s androgynous fashion sense in season five, her sexuality is often called into question by others. Mini begins her arc as a pretty and popular mean girl but it is she who soon develops a “girl crush” on Franky. However, their relationship is not the same as Emily and Naomi’s lesbian romance in the previous generation of U.K. Skins. It’s not sexual in nature, but an intimate friendship between two seemingly very different people who never expected to befriend each other.

But what’s the word for friends who have “sexual tension” without the sexual part? Platonic tension? It doesn’t sound quite right. Just using the word “tension” seems like a fight’s about to break out. So far, there hasn’t really been a word to describe that. That two people could have a sustained interest in and behave lovingly toward each other in a relationship that is never physically consummated (and there doesn’t necessarily exist a wish for it either) will likely bewilder most viewers and unfortunately be seen as unfulfilled and pointless. Where does that put friendship exactly?

For some misguided notion, friendships are seen as being barred from powerfully intimate experiences. This is an unfortunate conclusion. Just like any other relationship, friendship has its dips and peaks. There are moments of excitement, moments where interest flags, disagreements, and reconciliations. Almost everything romance claims to own exclusively, friendship has as well. If one takes romance not to automatically mean lust, then friendship involves a bit of romance as well. Romance is simply about a heightened interest in and an intensified wonder about something or someone. No Romeos or Juliets are required.

Another Kind of Love Story

There frankly aren’t enough narratives that tackle nonsexual love stories and elevate friendships to the heights of romance. Ones that do are definitely to be admired for taking the unconventional route. There are examples of intense and committed friendships in anime such as Black Rock Shooter, Ga-Rei Zero, Naruto, Nana, or R.O.D as well as others.

The relationship between Merlin and Arthur takes center stage in the BBC series Merlin. Merlin knows Arthur is destined to become a great and noble king someday, but his first impression is that of a rude and arrogant prince unworthy of the throne. Arthur on the other hand always underestimates Merlin and takes him for granted. As the series goes on, the two men begin to trust each other and have tremendous respect for the other. Both Merlin and Arthur having their own set of romance storylines, Arthur most notably with Gweneviere and Merlin with a girl who’s persecuted for her frightening powers. However, Merlin and Arthur rely on each other alone by the series’ finale and it becomes clear what the true love story is. The two are brothers-in-arms and say goodbye as such.

There’s also Xena: Warrior Princess. Gabrielle obviously admires Xena. Xena is Gabrielle’s most important role model of a strong and intelligent woman in charge of her own destiny. Gabrielle’s trusting and forgiving nature makes her fully invested in the person Xena is trying to be, who lives in atonement for her past misdeeds. Xena, on the other hand, sees an innocent in Gabrielle. Gabrielle’s endearing naivete and clumsiness make her an ideal of good character. Their commitment to each other is less like Anne and Diana’s friendship in Anne of Green Gables and more like Frodo and Sam’s friendship in The Lord of the Rings. Just as Frodo needs Sam to resist The One Ring’s temptations, Xena needs Gabrielle to stay on the right path and not revert to her warmongering past. The two women each represent what the other wants to be. Both Xena and Gabrielle have plenty of love interests throughout the series, but their passionate friendship is the focal point of the series.

There’s also The Painter of the Wind, a Korean drama in which the character Shin Yun-Bok is a woman who masquerades as a man in exchange for a career as a painter. She catches the attention of a young kisaeng (an occupation somewhat similar to a geisha’s), named Jeong-Hyang. Jeong-Hyang quickly falls for Shin Yun-Bok because “he” seems so unlike most men she’s met, treating her not as a pretty object but as a treasured human being. Shin Yun Bok reciprocates by seeing her as “his” artistic muse. Innocent flirtations and a shared bond build between them while Jeong-Hyang is under the impression that her beloved is a man. Unlike most other descendants of William Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night cross-dressing concept, the love between Shin Yun-Bok and Jeong-Hyang cannot easily be thrown away once the masks come off. Their connection delves deeper than pretensions and appearances. Since their bond is also not sexual at its core, Jeong-Hyang’s love for Shin Yun-Bok doesn’t evaporate as soon as she realizes “he” isn’t a man. It only transforms from a mere Romeo and Juliet romance into something more profound and beyond a name. The love between them is apparent in the subtlest and tenderest of ways, by looks alone.

Even Korra, Asami, and Mako’s relationship in The Legend of Korra has an element of this type of narrative. Though it’s been widely and publicly confirmed by the show’s creators that Korra and Asami transitioned from close friends into a romantic couple by the end of the series (another atypical move for a show believed to be a “cartoon for kids”), their arc in the series is nevertheless an important subversion of typical romance narratives. In the beginning of the series, Asami and Mako have a meet-cute moment that leads to them dating while Korra is immediately besotted with cool guy Mako before ever even getting to know him. Even when both Asami and Korra’s relationships with Mako don’t work out, the feelings invested in those relationships never entirely disappear. The transition from on-and-off romantic partners to trusted, life-long friends is a murky one and no clear division is given between the two which makes for a refreshingly realistic view of love. Korra, Asami, and Mako retain their love for one another despite the rough patches of their dating past. This also transforms Korra and Asami’s slow-churning interest in each other into an incredibly mature look at love that isn’t of the rose-colored glasses variety. Korra and Asami never explicitly declare their love for each other, but it’s clear in the final shot how much they mean to each other. That’s a component which exists in powerful friendships as well as traditional romances.

The Doctor of Doctor Who is also an uncommon character since he often shows little interest in romance. That is not to say he is incapable of loving. He does have two hearts after all. It’s just not the type of love most viewers are used to. He is often thrown into the world of human relationships and doesn’t seem entirely alien to them (forgive my random pun) since more than a few of his companions have fallen for him. As a Time Lord who’s watched stars being born and die over and over, a human’s life is not even a grain of sand in an hourglass to The Doctor. Romance has a different meaning to him than it would to the show’s human viewers. The Doctor does engage in occasional flirtations, marriage, and possibly sex as well but the words “love” or “romance” or “friendship” must encompass a broader perspective than humans often bother to comprehend. The Doctor knows the hollowing loneliness of traveling the cosmos alone and welcomes all the fleeting expressions of love he can when they come his way.

Fan Influence

Anyone with an internet connection will undoubtedly be aware of the intense fandoms that often surround television shows. In much the same way paparazzi can hound celebrities and capture every awkward moment and build a complete cover page-worthy drama out of it, fans can do much the same thing with their favorite fictional characters. And if there isn’t much action going on, fans will make sure to supply the demand. Entire memes can be built around the subtlest of interactions between characters. Images of the most casual glances, extended amounts of eye contact, lingering touches, affectionate banter, and any other potential subtext can be used as fodder. There are plenty devoted to canon and non-canon pairings, fanfiction, slash pairings, ship names, fanservice, etc. It can be an imaginative and freeing venture that calls into question conservative definitions of all that’s considered under the normative umbrella.

Yet friendship has often suffered because of it. Viewers will say: “Isn’t it obvious? How could two people be this close without wanting to make out? There’s so much subtext going on. They’re secretly in love with each other . . . I know it!” It pigeonholes any kind of intimacy into a very small, designated area. It’s important to differentiate between making a flexible and expansive interpretation and making “corrections.” It can be just as close-minded to assume or imagine that all close relationships automatically mean people are sleeping together (in a sexual way). To think that two people might spend a great deal of time together, enjoy each other’s company, and have an intense affection for one another without sex being involved may strike most people as odd if not outright non-existent.

As far as sexual relationships are concerned, our society seems to have come a long way in accepting what was once perceived as deviations from acceptable modes of being. It’s important though that one understands the value of non-sexual intimacy and passion. In the fight between “love” and “friendship,” one forgets one simple fact. Love and friendship are indivisible from each other. If a spouse can refer to his/her significant other as his/her “best friend,” then the reverse must also be true. If your friend doesn’t love you, how can that person possibly be your friend? Whether one calls it love or romance or friendship or whatever else, those words all refer to the same thing whether one realizes it or not. It’s the same nameless thing that’s expressed in a multitude of ways.

What do you think? Leave a comment.